It’s not that we should never invite people to church, but too much of the time, it’s the first thing we do when we encounter someone new.

We Christians have a remarkable talent
for sticking our feet in our mouths. When
searching the words most commonly
associated with “Christian,” the list ain’t
pretty. I think part of this can be
attributed to a handful of phrases that, if
stricken from our vocabulary, might make
us a little more tolerable. Yes, these
things may mean something to you, but
trust me, non-Christians don’t share your
love for these tried-and-true cliches.
So in no particular order, here are ten
phrases Christians should lose with a
quickness:
1. “Everything happens for a
reason.” I’ve heard this said more
times than I care to. I’m not sure
where it came from either, but it’s
definitely not in the Bible. The
closest thing I can come up with is
“To everything, there is a season,”
but that’s not exactly the same.
The fact is that faith, by definition,
is not reasonable. If it could be
empirically verified with facts or by
using the scientific method, it
wouldn’t be faith. It would be a
theory. Also, consider how such a
pithy phrase sounds to someone
who was raped. Do you really mean
to tell them there’s a reason that
happened? Better to be quiet,
listen and if appropriate, mourn
alongside them. But don’t dismiss
grief or tragedy with such a
meaningless phrase.
2. “If you died today, do you know
where you’d spend the rest of
eternity?” No, I don’t, and neither
do you. So stop asking such a
presumptuous question as this that
implies you have some insider
knowledge that the rest of us
don’t. And seriously, if your faith is
entirely founded upon the notion of
eternal fire insurance, you’re not
sharing testimony; you’re peddling
propaganda.
3. “He/she is in a better place.” This
may or may not be true. Again, we
have no real way of knowing. We
may believe it, but to speak with
such authority about something we
don’t actually know is arrogant.
Plus, focusing on the passing of a
loved one minimizes the grief of
the people they left behind.
4. “Can I share a little bit about my
faith with you?” Too often,
Christians presume we have
something everyone else needs,
without even knowing them first.
Ask someone about their story, but
maybe not the second you meet
them. Christian evangelism often is
the equivalent of a randy young
teenager trying to get in good with
his new girlfriend. When your
personal agenda is more important
than the humanity of the person
you’re talking to, most people can
sense the opportunism from a mile
a way.
5. “You should come to church with
me on Sunday.” It’s not that we
should never invite people to
church, but too much of the time,
it’s the first thing we do when we
encounter someone new. My wife,
Amy, and I started a new church
eight years ago, founded on the
principle of “earning the right to
invite.” Invest in people first.
Listen to their stories. Learn their
passions, their longings, and share
the same about yourself. Then,
after you’ve actually invested in
each other, try suggesting
something not related to church to
help you connect on a spiritual
level. If the person really gets to
know you and wants to know more
about why you live your life the
way you do, they’ll make a point to
find out. Then again, if you come
off as just another opinionated,
opportunistic Christian, why should
they honor your predatory approach
with a visit to the church that
taught you how to act that way in
the first place?
6. “Have you asked Jesus into your
heart?” As many times as I’ve
heard this, I still don’t really know
what it means. why my heart? Why
not my liver or kidneys? This also
makes Christianity sound like a
purely emotional experience,
rather than a lifelong practice that
can never entirely be realized. But
yeah, asking someone if they’re
engaged in a lifelong discipline to
orient their lives toward Christlike
compassion, love and mercy
doesn’t exactly have the same ring
to it.
7. “Do you accept Jesus as your
personal lord and savior?” Again,
this is not in the Bible. Anywhere.
And for me, it goes against the
whole Christlike notion of the
suffering servant. People tried to
elevate Jesus to the status of Lord,
but he rejected it. So why do we
keep trying? Plus, the whole idea of
a lord is so antiquated, it has no
real relevance to our lives today.
Be more mindful of your words, and
really mean what you say.
8. “This could be the end of days.”
This is one of my favorites. We
Christians love to look for signs of
the end of the world; we practically
have an apocalyptic fetish. It’s like
we can’t wait until everything
comes to a smoldering halt so we
can stand tall with that “I told you
so” look on our faces, while the
nonbelievers beg for mercy. Yeah,
that sounds like an awesome
religion you’ve got going there.
Sign me up!
9. “Jesus died for your sins.” I
know, this is an all-time Christian
favorite. But even if you buy into
the concept of substitutionary
atonement (the idea that God set
Jesus up as a sacrifice to make good
for all the bad stuff we’ve done),
this is a abysmal way to introduce
your faith to someone. I didn’t ask
Jesus to die for me, and if I’m not a
Christian, I really have no concept
of how that could possibly be a
good thing. he whole idea of being
washed clean by an innocent man’s
blood is enough to give any person
nightmares, let alone lead them
into a deeper conversation about
what Christianity is about.
10. “Will all our visitors please
stand?” If someone finally is brave
enough to walk through the doors
of your church, the last thing they
want is to be singled out. They
probably don’t know the songs
you’re singing or the prayers or
responsive readings you’re reading.
Depending on the translation of the
Bible you use, the scripture may
not make much sense, and they
probably have no idea where the
bathroom is. So why add to the
discomfort by making them stand
so everyone can stare at them?
Also, calling someone a visitor
already implies they are simply
passing through, that they’re not a
part of things. Instead of “visitor”
or “guest,” try something less
loaded like “newcomer.” Better
yet, walk up to them, introduce
yourself and learn their name.